How to be Just Like Me.

I get that request all the time. People come up to me after shows, or in the shower, and say "Beau, how can I be just like you?" Most of the time, I'm just unable to sum it up in a simple 3-hour answer for these people. But I think I'm able to sum it up pretty simply.

1. Wear the cheapest fugliest shades you can buy for less than $6.See, there's a difference between cheap shades and expensive shades that LOOK cheap in a "haha hey look at me I'm slummin!" way. Start at Target. If the shades have a big $5.99! sticker on them, those are the ones. Don't think, just buy.

2. Dunkin Donuts Coffee. Fuck starbucks or any other shee-shee snotty west-valley panamanian morning blend bullshit. Get the Dunkin Donuts coffee or fuck it.

3. Cuss so much that people just give up asking you to stop. I'm talking borderline tourettes. Use it as every adjective. Fucking can mean positive or negative: 'that guy's a fucking asshole', 'she is fucking hot as fucking hell'. See what I mean. Shit and goddamn are close but use fucking more than any other word in your vocabulary. Fucking seriously

4. Worship Prince, the Stones, INXS, BB King, Chuck Berry, Muddy Waters, Erasure, Yaz, Casey Finch and oh fuck just anybody who can write a song with four-on-the-floor kickdrum. That's all you need. Four on the floor, the pentatonic scale and a swing beat like a hooker doubling up on two guys. You're welcome for that visual

5. Lastly. Multi-multitask. I mean, do several things at once in several compltely unrelated areas. Music: write and record a CD while booking and promoting gigs while trying to remember who the fuck you booked for which gig, while raising boys and nurturing a healthy loving marriage with all the commitment you can muster, while writing a book or two, while designing websites for 4 people. I mean motherfucking jesus christ what does it take for me to let go. I give my A.D.D. a run for it's money. As long as I'm going to have a short attention span, what the fuck let's dance little sister

I think that sums me up. Sure there's the childhood rearing requirements like dance the line between broke and rich as a child, religious and atheist and agnostic, get very involved in Boy Scouts and Youth Groups at church...